It's been kind of a tough week between one thing and another.
We got the kid dropped off at school last Friday. And, just keepin' it real here, I may or may not have been holding on with both arms at one point.
I truly didn't realize I was doing that until after the picture was taken. To his credit, he didn't try to gnaw my arms off. And I finally unclenched.
Here's what's helped me with letting Jake go: he's living in his first-choice house, at his first-choice school, in his first-choice major. He's doing the next right thing, with good people around him.
As for the work-related changes I mentioned last time, I've had a fair amount of anxiety related to that, which is pretty normal for me. I'm not worried about that; I know I need to work through it, and I will. Compared to last year, this is a pretty tiny speed bump!
Here are some of the things that are helping me right now.
My tribe. I really appreciate all the messages of love and understanding. So many of you have said, "I don't know yet what I think about this issue" or "I still think it's a sin" but you've been willing to listen to my heart, and I deeply, deeply appreciate that. A few people have unsubscribed, but nobody here has told me that I've lost my faith and witness. Thank you for being a safe place for me to tell you the truth about what's going on in my life.
Time and rest. I'm taking it as easy as I can right now, because I know that's how I heal. I'm doing fun stuff. Taking naps. Working on writing projects.
Appropriate action. This next week, I'll start using a professional day office building, just 15 minutes from my house. I've also been offered a place to work out of another office that's forming up, so we'll see what develops there. Other than that, no big changes or major decisions.
Receiving the Love. I've had a couple of especially meaningful meditations "just happen" into my news feed this week. I receive them as gifts into my life, and pass them along to you here.
"Jesus, perhaps disappointingly, gives no abstract theory of social justice. Instead, Jesus makes his life a concrete parable about how to live in this world. He demands of his first followers that they be living witnesses to a simple life on the edge of the dominant consciousness...The only free positions in this world are at the bottom and at the edges of things." Richard Rohr
"After a few months of deepening frustration, I took my troubles to an older Quaker woman well-known for her thoughtfulness and candor. 'Ruth,' I said, 'people keep telling me that "way will open." Well, I sit in the silence, I pray, I listen for my calling, but way is not opening. I've been trying to find my vocation for a long time, and I still don't have the foggiest idea of what I'm meant to do. Way may open for other people, but it's sure not opening for me.'
"Ruth's reply was a model of Quaker plain-speaking: 'I'm a birthright Friend,' she said somberly, 'and in sixty-plus year of living, way has never opened in front of me.' She paused, and I started sinking into despair. Was this wise woman telling me that the Quaker concept of guidance was a hoax? Then she spoke again, this time with a grin: 'But a lot of way has closed behind me, and that's had the same guiding effect.'" Parker J. Palmer