I figured it out in the bubble bath the other night.
This is what's up with me right now.
Heart full of faith, head full of doubt.
Thus far, has the LORD brought us.
That's what's in my heart.
I know and experience that Love is the bedrock of my soul.
It's in there. I'm good with it.
But where we go from here? What is the plan? I don't have a clue.
And I'm oddly okay with that.
I remember when I was head-full of certainty--totally in control of my life, and completely sure of what you should do with yours, too--and my heart was like a rock, dead in my chest.
And somehow, for me anyway, I think that living an open-hearted life means that certainty and control have to fall away and I've got to be willing to walk on, or crawl on, or be dragging along (if it's that kind of a day), with my head full of doubt.
I'm sure there are people who live more clear-headed and confident than I do. I often wish that I lived more clear-headed and confident than I do.
But I've come to believe that Love loves me just the way I am, and carries me along without disdain or contempt for the neurotic little brain that inhabits my head.
Even when it freaks me--and other people--out.
There's a beautiful post over at Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood today. Click on over. You don't want to miss it. The author says this:
"He has healed our family from the fracture of grief caused by misperceptions of the kind of life God should give me since I was such a dedicated disciple. And we still have much to learn."
We still have much to learn.
We are still on the road.
Still following the Shepherd to the next mouthful of green grass and cool pasture.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Take the next step.
Love's got us. It's okay.