If you've really changed...

You tell me that you've changed, and I hope that you have.  But I'm a little worried. You tell me that you've changed, but you keep telling me that what you did wasn't really all that bad.  You were just upset, and that's why you yelled at me, cussed out my mom, hit my sister so hard she couldn't hear for a whole day.  It was just the one time.

Saying it wasn't all that bad?  It just doesn't make sense.  If you've really changed.

You tell me that you've changed, but you don't seem to be sorry about it at all.  I feel really bad.  I'm sad and scared and hurt.  But you just seem to be angry.  And it seems like you're angry at me.

Being angry with me?  It just doesn't make sense.  If you've really changed.

You tell me that you've changed, but you aren't ready to talk about change.  You're upset with me when I want to talk about what bothered me in the past and how I would like things to be different.  You don't want to go to therapy with me, or to an accountability group, or to a batterer's intervention program.

Not negotiating the new normal?  It just doesn't make sense.  If you've really changed.

If you've really changed, own your behavior.  If you've really changed, be sorry.  If you've really changed, be different.

Otherwise, I'm a little worried.

Even though what you did was wrong, I can let it go.  I can forgive you, because God is enough for me.

But trust?  That's another story.  Trust is something you earn, by your trustworthy behavior over time.

Can I be honest?

I don't believe you right now.  I don't trust you.

Because things should be different, if you've really changed.