So we moved to Arizona at the end of February.
Just like that.
Actually, it was a long time coming and then it was pretty sudden at the end.
My grandparents lived in Arizona when I was a kid. They lived near Phoenix, in a 55+ community called Sun City, and we visited them in the summers occasionally. So my idea of Arizona, and the desert in general, was formed by my Julys in Sun City: flat, graveled, cacti, full of older folks riding those giant three-wheeled tricycles in the kind of heat that Satan would find comfy.
Then a few years ago, my friend Donny photos of his vacation in Sedona.
“Wherever that is, I want to go there,” I said to Andy. (Which is how all of our adventures begin: I see a photo, and we go there.)
And so, we began coming to Red Rocks Country. Nothern Arizona, Southern Utah. We kept coming here and every time we came, our list of “things to see next time” got longer. We would look at real estate, as we always do when we travel, and we would talk about where we’d like to live. Up in the pine forest around Flagstaff? Down on a hiking trail in Sedona? Maybe someday. It was fun to dream.
Last year, during Covid, we came out here twice. We pulled our camper out in May and spent a week at a lovely creekside RV park. Then in November, as it became clear that the holidays were going to be a mess and I was barely surviving the holidays as it was, we came out and spent a month in an AirBnB in the shadow of Thunder Mountain in West Sedona.
We worked remotely, and in the evenings after work, we would go out for a hike. Every day, walking in beauty.
And about the third week, I said, to Andy, “I just feel WELL. I can’t remember when I’ve felt so WELL.”
Just being here, in this beautiful place, was doing something healing to my wounded inner self.
We looked at real estate, as always. But it just didn’t seem likely that we could find something in our price range in such a beautiful place. Besides, our kids and grandkids are in Texas. So we just looked for fun, for dreaming, as always.
And then at the end of November, we got in our car and started driving back to Dallas.
And as we drove away from the Red Rocks that early morning, I cried.
I cried.
I cried.
I cried all the way to Winslow.
But of course it wasn’t reasonable to move to Sedona. It just wasn’t possible.
Andy kept getting the Zillow updates on Sedona real estate. I kept saying it wasn’t possible.
We got through Christmas, outside in the backyard in Dallas.
We went camping in Oklahoma just after New Year’s.
Andy kept mentioning the Zillow updates.
And I finally said, “Is it okay to do something just for myself? Just because it’s good for just me?”
Of course, I know the answer to that question for everybody else in the universe is: “Yeah, duh.”
But it’s really hard for me to put myself in that place of accepting the things I most long for and dream of.
Everyone else is deserving. Everyone else is deserving.
Me?
I need to take a back seat.
I need to sacrifice and suffer.
But that night in Oklahoma. when I could finally hear myself asking that question, I allowed myself to say YES. It’s okay to do something just because it’s what I want, and it’s what’s good for me. It’s okay for everybody, and it’s okay for me.
So we got a realtor. And six weeks later, we walked in the door of our new home in Clarkdale, Arizona.
One of my favorite little hikes in Sedona is Boynton Canyon Overlook. It’s beautiful, as all hikes in Sedona are. But the special thing about Boynton Canyon Overlook is that you might meet Robert, walking around out there. If you do meet Robert, he will ask you, “Are you open to receive?”
And if you say yes, he will give you one of his carved red rock hearts and he will tell you that your heart is good and that you are full of love, enough for yourself, and plenty to share with others.
That’s exactly how it feels here: more than enough beauty and love and healing here for anyone who wants it.
Our Airbnb guests.
My online clients.
Anyone who comes to one of the retreats I’m dreaming up. (Watch this space! September looks amazing!)
And me.
There is plenty for me, when I am open to receive.
