April 2, 2002 Tawatana Village, Makira Province, Solomon Islands
I think we've adopted contingency-style school as our permanent operating basis. So far this year the kids are getting the bare bones. Maybe we will be able to settle better the next time we are out in the village. It's just been really hard to get into anything for the last couple of months—too much moving around.
And the uncertainty in the country constantly hangs in the background. The last time we went to Honiara, we were unpacking our “town stuff” when we heard gunfire from the direction of the main road. It’s just always there.
Most days I'm really encouraged about Michael's reading progress and start to hope for a certain level of independence before long which would make it easier to give more attention to the older ones. This morning was kind of a disaster, who knows why. He just gets in a funk some days and can't think. At those times I just don't push it. I know from long experience that it just makes him worse. I don't know if I'm getting smarter or just getting tired-er.
I'm kind of in a funk myself if the truth were to be told. Combination of things, I guess. Had a cold and lost my voice this week--that's probably the most immediate trigger. Then just the situation in the country is an underlying stress--it always is, but the last couple of weeks it's just seemed worse again.
And to top it off, our best friends in the missionary world leave in two weeks. I hate the thought of going to town and not having anybody to really talk to--after being in the village for months without anybody to really talk to.
I feel like I have to be tough for Andy and not burden him with my uncomfortable emotions while he's pushing so hard to get done. I'm still upset at having to stay on here past Christmas; I had set myself a year as the time I had to deal with here. Then to find out that we have to stay on for another six months and take the deputy job again for part of that . . . I just don't really know how to deal with it.
I've been re-reading the Henri Nouwen book Can You Drink the Cup? It's good for me; especially one quote about being grateful for all the things that have gone into our lives to bring us to where we are--not just the good stuff. I find it's possible to do that with distance and time, but I find it so hard to be thankful when I'm going through a time like this. It's not disastrous, just uncomfortable and no relief on the horizon.
What is 31 Days of 2002? Read about it here.