Sometimes I think I should just shut up and let Mumford and Sons have this blog. Because they get it right. Pretty much every single time.
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"Seems like all my bridges have been burnt, but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works."
And at some point.
When we have felt our feelings, and faced our terrors, and mourned our losses.
When we have compared our truth to The Truth, and named the lies, and gotten our heads together.
When we have sat in the room with the therapist or the pastor or our best friend or whoever it is that gets us through, talked and listened, and done what we were supposed to do.
When we've done all that and we wonder, "Hmm. What's next?"
At that point, it's time to burn our bridges and find out how the grace thing works.
Without doing what I always do to prop myself up, whatever that may be. Without my perfection. Without my performance. Without slaving to the approval of others.
Just me and the grace of God.
A while back, I wrote a post in which Bob Newhart helps us understand that sometimes we need to Just Stop It. (I'm reminding you about it here because I just re-read it, and thought I made some good points. Plus, it contains one of the funniest things ever aired on television, and no day is complete without a good belly laugh.)
But there's a little problem with the grace thing. And there's a little problem with just stopping it: it's scary. It doesn't feel right.
First of all, we're used to doing it our own way. Having control.
Being all up on the throne of our own lives.
And then, everybody around us is used to the audience-approved dog-and-pony show. We have taught our friends and family what to expect from us, and how to treat us.
So many times, a bunch of those others are up on the throne of our lives, too.
It gets pretty crowded up there, which is exhausting, crazy-making, totally unnecessary--and TERRIFYING to rectify.
I get that. I really do.
Because the hardest thing I've personally ever done is make that change. Facing the truth, feeling the feelings--those things were hard work, no doubt about it. But the hardest thing was to finally STOP IT.
Stop living the "I don't know how she does it" life.
I had to get completely depressed and totally crazy before I finally was able to quit. And although desperation is a great and mighty teacher, and I'm grateful to be where I am today, I wouldn't mind having those two years of my life back from the pit, thank you very much.
This morning, while feeding my Pinterest habit, I ran across this quote, attributed to Jim Rohn: "Your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change."
Amen, Brother Jim.
I would say that it gets better by shoving all the usurpers off the throne (kicking and screaming, if they feel they must).
And I would say that it gets better by burning the bridges and seeing how the grace thing works.
"Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9