Did I make you click? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Or did you think a robot had taken over kaybruner.com, breaking my strict rule against clickbaity headlines?
Whatever got you here, here it is, the one thing that will change your life forever:
Treat yourself with the same loving kindness with which you treat your best friend.
I've started saying this to clients on the regular, and you know what I get in return?
A shy laugh.
Downcast eyes.
A shocked look.
An "I never, ever thought of that."
"Be miraculously kind to yourself." Church window, Budapest, photo: me and my cell phone
Because you know what? As women, we have been taught to treat everybody really, really well. We are taught to be nice, to speak softly, to always say the kind thing.
And there's NOTHING wrong with this.
EXCEPT.
EXCEPT.
EXCEPT.
Our own selves are the exception to the rule of niceness.
We know that love and kindness, dignity and respect are the right things to do for everyone else, BUT we somehow think that we are supposed to give ourselves:
a good talking to
a good scolding
a good spanking
**Why are these things called "good" by the way? Why?**
We would never, ever treat another person the way we treat ourselves.
We would never, ever speak aloud to others the mental abuse we heap on ourselves.
We would never do the kind of violence to another person that we do to ourselves.
And only one person can stop this violence against myself: me.
And so I'm giving my clients this wonderful, radical, crazy life hack, and I'm trying it out for myself as well.
When we are sad, when we are lonely, when we are depressed, when we are scared, when we are upset at all the wickedness in the world, we ask this question:
How would we treat our very best friend who felt like we're feeling right now?
We'd probably bring them a cup of tea and a really good chocolate, fuzzy blanket and our own favorite soft pillow. We'd put on some soothing music and light a fire. We'd get their favorite Indian take-out and watch their favorite movie together, even though it's only 2:00 in the afternoon.
We know what we'd do unto others, because we do it all the time.
Now the challenge is to do the same unto ourselves, because we are just as beloved, just as cared for, just as deserving.
And there is plenty for us all. No shortage of supply.
There is plenty of Love for us, plenty of kindness for us all.
Be kind to yourself today, dear friend.
And I will do the same.