Much of my grief survival consists of listening to what my physical body needs.
Connection has been important too: connection to my people is obvious. We always said as a family that “whatever happens, we will get through it together,” and never has this been more true.
But connection to my Self has been critical, and creating a connection to the beauty of nature has nurtured me in surprising ways.
The experience of beauty in nature creates a sense that there is something outside of me, big enough to hold the enormous grief that I’m carrying. The beauty of nature is easily accessible, effortless, and always available. I don’t have to do anything. It’s just there, being beautiful. I need to allow myself to be in it as much as possible.
The word that has come to me is “congruence.” By listening to my body, by leaning into what feels deeply good and supportive, effortless and available, my life becomes more and more aligned with who I really am.
It’s one of the weird gifts of grief, this clarifying of what feels good and what doesn’t feel good. I have to invest my limited energy into what truly works for me. I just keep taking one small step into goodness at a time, and eventually a congruent, meaningful life of my own emerges, in answer to that early panicky question “Who am I? Where am I?”
“Give your grief to the earth; receive the balm of beauty.” Lama Rod Owen
“One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life that you could save.”
—Mary Oliver, The Journey
Journaling Questions
·What feels good to your body right now?
·Where do you find goodness, support?
·What’s blocking you from pursuing what’s good for you?
·If you could do anything in the world for yourself right now, what would it be?
Self Compassion by Kristen Neff
The Grieving Brain by Mary O’Connor
It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay by Megan Devine
Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone