By Andy Bruner
Look pretty normal don't I? Ok, I admit I was a bit emaciated but I come from a long line of skinny people and it was 95 degrees with 90% humidity in the Solomons with no A.C. so it tends to curb the appetite! My point is that you'd never know by looking at me that I was taking advantage of every opportunity to look at porn. On the outside I was the "fearless Bible Translator bringing the Word of God to the Bibleless people" but on the inside I hated myself and was doubting that God could really love me or if He even existed.
So what brings me out from under my rock to write a post on Kay's blog? Well, several friends have asked me how I feel about having my struggle with pornography out there for all the world to see now that Kay has published her memoir so I thought it would be a good idea to talk about that a bit. There are two main reasons:
Anyone can become addicted to porn, including people in ministry & leadership
We should all know the statistics by now about how often pornography is being viewed by men (& women). But just in case you've forgotten here are a few from Covenant Eyes that relate to the Church:
The one that jumps out at me is that 75% of pastors don't make themselves accountable to anyone. I'm not surprised though--I sure wouldn't want to if I was a pastor and obviously I didn't when I was a missionary! The shame and the guilt along with the possible loss of a career were too much for me to overcome.
There's too much shame about pornography in the Christian community
My desire is to see the Church become a place where we can talk about issues like pornography without freaking out. A place where someone can share their struggles and know they are loved and supported and not viewed as some sort of sexual pervert.
"It's a tragedy when churches shame people who are wrestling with sexual bondage. When we do that we become the priests of further condemnation instead of hope. We deepen the shame with the bony finger of a critical god, instead of revealing the open arms of a crucified Savior." Ted Roberts in Pure Desire
"The majority of the people I have counseled could give a long list of things they are good at. They also could state their character strengths and gifts. Most of them deeply love the Lord, but they didn't understand that we are as sick as the secrets we hold." Ted Roberts
What can we do?
Start talking about it!!!
Don't be afraid to share good posts about this issue on social media. I know it's easy to think that by sharing this kind of stuff people might think it's something we're dealing with personally but we need to get over that.
Find people willing to share their personal struggle and recovery with your church. And it doesn't just have to be about pornography. When people start honestly sharing their own struggles in any area, it helps create an atmosphere of acceptance. Kay is a great speaker by the way. :-) You can contact her here.
Covenant Eyes has done the hard work for you. They have some power points available for download here.
Start a support group for people who struggle with pornography.
Provide resources in your church bookstore or website. Check out the Pornography Resource page on this site for starters.
Encourage your church toward internet accountability for all staff. A pastor/missionary/__________ is just a normal person struggling with the same things that we all struggle with. Let's not put them on a pedestal expecting them to attain some measure of sinless perfection that is impossible to attain. There needs to be a safe mechanism in place for people in Christian ministry who struggle with sexual purity to get help BEFORE it gets out of control.
Here's a great article that provides a step by step plan to get all of your devices set up for internet accountability.
Special note to women readers
Since a lot of the readers here are women, I want to tell you that the point of talking about all this is not to freak you out and make your life miserable if you find out your husband is looking at porn. The point is, to understand how common it is, to talk about it, to learn to manage it together, so that this doesn't have to be hidden away in shame, where it can't be healed.
Recovery is possible. It's a ton of work, for sure. But it happens every day.