DAY 21: deploying non-judgmental observation with the magical phrase "and that's okay."
“I didn’t see what was happening, and that’s okay.”
“I wish I had said no sooner, and that’s okay.”
“I’m judging myself again, and that’s okay.”
We want to REDUCE ANXIETY so that our brain space is freed up to think creatively about how to set the boundaries we need.
When we say, “I’m having a rough day, and that’s okay,” we’re reducing anxiety. We’re accepting without judgment. And then we can go forward with the choices we need to make.
Today’s prompt: practice “and that’s okay.” You might go back through your journal entries and look for a instance where you felt some disappointment or frustration with yourself. Give yourself a nice round of “and that’s okay.”
Boundaries Day #22
DAY 22: the practice of observing our thoughts and emotions
Today’s prompt: 3 minutes of alternate nostril breathing. Throughout the day, observe your thoughts without judgment. Practice saying, “Interesting” and then putting those thoughts and feelings on a cloud to drift away. Use the brain-space you create to consider healthy boundaries.
Boundaries Day #23
DAY 23: dreams, art, music, and other expressions that provide clues about our boundaries
Prompt for today: a challenge to be open to what your brain wants to tell you, whether it’s through a dream, a word picture, a mental image, a painting, a work of art, a piece of music: something that speaks to where you are right now. Spend time listening to that music, viewing that art, watching that movie, and allow that resonance to bring clarity to you. This is another way of knowing about your boundaries: where they are, where your self longs for them to be.
Boundaries Day #24
DAY 24: observing with gratitude
I am no fan of fake gratitude. I don’t think gratitude is a magic wand that will save us from depression or anxiety or anything else. But I do think that when we can observe our own journey with gratitude instead of judgment, that releases us from being caught in those spirals of shame and regret. Observing with gratitude can be part of extending forgiveness to ourselves. We did the best we could at the time, and we are grateful.
When we didn’t do as well as we wanted, let’s remember to say, “I didn’t do as well as I wanted, and that’s okay. That wasn’t a skillful response, and I’m still learning.”
We are not always going to set boundaries perfectly, and that’s okay.
We can still observe our journey and our practice with gratitude.
We can forgive ourselves and be free to move forward.
Today, write with gratitude about the skills that got you here. Write with gratitude for your survival throughout the course of this practice. Be grateful for your ability to learn and grow. Write this mantra 10 times: I’m not always going to set boundaries perfectly, and that’s okay. I’m learning and growing, and that’s okay.
Boundaries Day #25
DAY 25: revisiting our needs with self compassion
What do I need?
Is your answer the same, or different today than when we started?
How does your body feel when you ask that question? Does your body feel the same as it did on day one, or are there differences?
What has this theme of self-compassion been like for you during our boundaries practice? Were you surprised to find that self-compassion is so integral to boundaries?
As you practice self-compassion, have you noticed any difference in your compassion for others?
As you trust yourself, are you able to trust others more as well?
Boundaries Day #26
DAY 26: remembering what sparks joy
What’s the big YES we want in our lives?
Let’s remind ourselves today of the purpose of all this hard work we’ve been doing.
I love the picture of a walled city whose boundaries create space inside for life. What will you nurture in the space you're creating?
Picture your life this way: a magic wand has been waved, your boundaries are perfectly in place, and you life is exactly as you want it to be. Describe.
Boundaries Day #27
DAY 27: I can only change myself
For today’s practice, let us sit solemnly with the reality that we can only be responsible for ourselves. Let’s release anyone else that we’re trying or hoping to change. And let’s just be present with ourselves. Non-judgmentally. Compassionately, present with ourselves. Trusting ourselves to do the work. Open and willing to take up our responsibility and to save the life we can.
Writing prompt: create a mantra for yourself and write it out 10 times.
Boundaries Day #28
DAY 28: acknowledging grief, loss, and pain
Prompt: acknowledge any grief and loss, sadness and pain that you’re experiencing as you create new boundaries.
Create a mantra of release for yourself and others.
Boundaries Day #29
DAY 29: I will befriend myself
Turn toward yourself, listen, allow. Include yourself in the circle of care and attention and affection that you lavish on others. Compassion is a limitless resource. You won’t run out. The more you enjoy compassion for yourself, the more you’ll have to give to others.
Today’s prompt: write a resolution for your ongoing practice of self-compassion. Whatever your particular needs are, meet those needs with your own kindness, mercy, gentleness, and forgiveness.
Boundaries Day #30
DAY 30: going forward with love
Love does not control, Love accepts and love releases. The essence of forgiveness is release. We open our hands and release.
When we’ve opened our hands in release, our hands are also open to accept and receive.
Accept and receive yourself, just as you are, right now.
Release yourself from expectations, from perfectionism, from performance, from approval-seeking.
You are perfectly loved and perfectly whole, just as you are, right now.
You don’t need to do anything more to be acceptable.
You are.
Accept and receive others as they are.
Release others from expectations, from perfectionism, from performance, from our approval.
Allow others to be just as they are.
We don’t have to change them.
If they’re not walking on the same path as us, that’s okay. Release.
If they’re not safe for us right now, that’s okay. Release.
If it seems like they’re never going to get it, that’s okay. Release.
Love has all of us safe. Always.